"Be humble, for the worst thing in the world is of the same stuff as you; be confident, for the stars are of the same stuff as you."

"Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a communist."

"This is the first age that's ever paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one."

"Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it."

"It's noble to want to confess, but if the results are just damage and pain, that's not noble. It's selfish."

"A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are."

"Rules too soft are seldomly followed; rules too harsh are seldomly executed."

"I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement."

"Not everything made you stronger. It was possible to survive, yet still be crippled for your trouble. Sometimes it was okay to run away, to skip the test, to chicken out. Or at least to get some help."

"Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it."

"Quality is more important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles."

"Our love is God. Lets go grab a slushie."