"Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."

"No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish."

"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket."

"When someone says, 'It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing', it's the money."

"It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed."

"Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!"

"Most people are good. They may not be saints, but they are good."

"When I find myself in the company of scientists, I feel like a shabby curate who has strayed by mistake into a room full of dukes."

"It easeth some, though none it ever cured, to think their dolour others have endured."

"The resounding echo of the mortal coil, echoes in the ears of those who are unprepared for it. To some, it sounds like a symphony - to others, a death toll."

"The ocean is a body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."