"There is no Them, there is only Us. Some of Us think this or some of Us think that, but we're all Us."

"It鈥檚 really easy to complain. If you鈥檙e not careful, then you end up complaining about your whole life. Concentrating on the good things is really good. Catch people doing good."

"He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself; and if you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze into you."

"It is twice as hard to crush a half-truth as a whole lie."

"Ya know, if you treated every comic the way you treated me tonight. You would never see a bad show."

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else."

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach education."

"As soon as we left the ground I knew I myself had to fly!"